A Very Red XMas
by TheUnknownblur
Summary: Yet another Fan fic, This time with my favorite character, robot santa. Gord and the PE crew are yet again confronted by the maniacle robit, but will this be the last time?
1. Chapter 1

_**A very**_

_**Red**_

_**X-mas**_

Yet another fanfic, now with ma #1 favourite character in the series, Robot Santa. Enjoy!

It was the day before Christmas, and everyone was scurrying around, finding the closest bomb shelter and any RPG (Rocket propelled grenade). they could find. As Gord was walking towards the PE building that morning, he noticed these actions taking place, and wondered what the hell was going on.

As he was passing by, he would see crazy gifts like a Hot Wheels nuclear powered miniature '67 Shelby Mustang with built in heat seeking missiles for ages five and up, Big Bad Barbie bombardment units, Barney scorch en torch huggable flamethrower play set and orange flavoured suicide pills for stocking stuffers. These items shuffled through his head until he reached the PE building.

He noticed something different about the building, it was covered with an extra thick layer of dolomite and it had a large turret at the top that had "Merry X-mas BTCH" written on it. He then entered the building. As he walked through the entrance, Leela spotted him.

"Gord! Stop! You're going to step on the trap!" She yelled as she rushed to him.

"What tra-." Then, Gord stepped on an invisible trip wire. The centre of the lounge floor suddenly opened up with a fiery pit of spikes and alligators with space helmets on their heads sticking out if it

Then, ray guns from each side of the wall popped up and fired wildly. Gord screamed and ducked, until Leela dodged the lasers and dragged Gord into the conference room. Just then the professor walked in with a .60 cal Rifle.

"Dammit! He's here already! Waste that son of a monkey!" Shouted the professor as he shot at Gord's direction, barely missing his head as he ducked. As it passed him, it hit a picture of him square in the face.

"Professor be careful!" Screamed Leela as she took the rifle away from him." You almost hit poor Gord!"

"Yea! Pretty damn good accuracy for an old guy though." Said Gord as he brushed himself off.

"Yes well, if only I could aim that well in the bathroom, but never mind that, right now I must add a nuclear missile to the angry dome, you can't say angry without being able to blow up your enemies in a million pieces." Said the maniacal Professor as he exited the room with an evil laugh.

"I'd like to ask the question that is to what the hell is going on right now." Asked Gord. As he and Leela entered the T.V. room. He seen Bender and Fry drinking beers watching "All My Circuits Christmas special."

"Cram it meatbag." Said Bender as he was guzzling his beer.

"Yea cram it meatbag." Said Fry as he was too guzzling his beer.

"This will probably answer your question kiddo." Said Leela as she sat next to Fry. Then they watched the TV.

"Calcoulon, I have to tell you something, but if I tell you, we will die!" Said that Fembot.

"Whatever it is, I can take it." Said Calcoulon.

"Well, you see…I'm dating Robo Santa!"

Just then you can see a crappy version of Robo Santa, it was clearly Sal in the suit, because his gut was showing and the mask only covered his cheeks and eyes.

"Arrgh! I's the scary Santa Robots things." Said Sal as he was trying to charge at the couple, but his back cracked from all of his weight, and he fell down to the ground.

"Oi's, why's does I's keeps this toughs guys images's" He said as the shows crew rushed to help him up.

"Wow, that was interesting, so did you learn anything from that?" Said Fry as he shut off the T.V.

"Uh that a fat guy can't run?" Answered Gord.

"Exactly." Responded Fry.

Leela sighed. "Every year, since the early 2800's a Robotic Santa malfunctioned and thinks that everybody is naughty, so instead of giving everybody presents, he gives them a round of bullets."

"Eeep." Squeaked Gord. "W-well, shouldn't we at least get like Christmas gifts or something?"

"Nah, we're usually busy with the setting of the death traps and going on one last suicidal mission we are usually assigned by now for the rest of the year." Said Bender.

"Which should be…" Fry continued.

"Good news everyone! You are going on your last suicidal mission of the year!" Said the Professor before he blanked.

"Which is?" Continued Gord.

"My ha-wha? Oh right, I have to put up that nuclear missile in my angry dome, you can't say angry without blowing up your enemies. So long whoever you are." And he was off before anybody could say anything. Just then Dr.Zoidberg walked in, but with a squid like woman behind him.

"Hello friends! I'd like you to meet my new Lady friend, Mutilda." He said with a large grin on his face as Mutilda (Who is the squid on "war is the 'h' word.") walked up to the crew.

"Sup peeps, it's a pleasure to meet you." She said in a gangsta accent.

Everybody greeted her and shook her tentacles.

"Well everybody, we got some business to take care of, some business involving barnacle" Said Zoidberg as he and Mutilda giggled, then they exited the room. Just then Kif and Amy entered the room, Kif was carrying a laptop under his arm.

"Hey everyone! Kiffy was able to make it here today!" Said Amy as she and Kif walked up to them. Just as Bender finished his beer, he noticed the laptop in Kif's hands.

"Woah mama, come to daddy!" He said as he rushed up to the couple and grabbed the laptop.

"You've been a very laggy girl haven't you." Bender said as he left the room with his new found freind.

"Well, we better go too, Kif and I are going to help decorate the upstairs rec room. See you later." Said Amy as she exited out the room, but then slipped on a banana peel and made both her and Kif fall on the ground.

Then, Leela Fry and Gord sat on the couch and watched the T.V. until Hermes came with the yearly X-mas cards.

"Happy X-mas people, it's X-mas time you know! X-mas!" Screamed Hermes as he barged through the room.

"Here is one for you Leela, and one for you Fry." He said as he handed them their cards.

"Aw I got one from you." Said Fry, looking at Leela.

"And I got one from you too!" responded Leela, and then they kissed each other.

"And now, last but not least." Gord started to smile. "Me." Then Gord frowned angrily.

"I wonder what she got me, oh! It's the forms to allow her here for the night! She's so great, I'm going to sign these up now!" Said Hermes as he left. Only Leaving Gord and the couple who were still kissing.

"Forget this I'm going to see what the professor is up to, he is the only other person that's lonely around here." Gord said to himself, and he left. As he made his way to the professor's lab, when he heard what seemed like two pig-ligers having asthma problems. He decided to check to see what was going on. As he entered the lab he seen mom and the Professor starting to make out.

"Oh my god." He said trying to hold back his vomit, and then he quickly ran out. He walked down the stairs and walked near the front doors.

"I'm going out for a walk." Gord said out loud, nobody really listened to him because they were too busy doing activities with their…partners. Gord always made a dirty look when he thought of that word. Well today anyways. He put his coat on and walked outside. As he walked outside, noticed that it wasn't as cold in NNY in the wintertime then it was in Halifax. He really missed his hometown, even though it was a dump. Then he had a flashback.

He remembered walking through a gate that said 'city dump' when he was twelve. He always had to walk through the piles of garbage just to get to his house, which was right beside the landfill. The exterior of his house was pretty ugly, with tires and car parts and the dead, uncut grass surrounding the house. He sighed and went inside, only to find his parents wasted on the kitchen floor. He sighed again and read a note that was stuck on his mother's forehead.

It read:

_Dear crap head,_

_We want you to make us that macaroni with cheese again, with cracker bits and cheetoh's on it this time. Get cookin'!_

Then he sighed and did as they asked. After he made the dinner, he picked five dollars from his room and decided to buy himself a donair. As he entered the pizzeria, he noticed a blonde haired girl named Jeanne O'Connor (Yes I know, crappy names). She was kind of tall, wearing a pink coat and blue pants. Then she noticed that Gord was looking at her.

"What are you looking at dork." She yelled as she was pointing at Gord.

"Oh, uh nothing." He said with a grin on his face. Then for no reason she took her pizza piece and smacked it in Gords face. As he was about to cry to this thought, he was interrupted by a large shadow in his way. He looked up and it appeared to be robot Santa.

"Ho, ho, ho." He said slowly as his eyes turned downward, making him look evil.

"Oh my god, are you Santa!" Said Gord with a large grin on his face.

"Why yes I am, and you are Gord, I'm correct." Responded Santa.

"EEEEE he knows my name!"

"Ah yes, and I also know your weaknesses and work schedules." Santa said as he pulled out a sheet of paper that had all of his personal info.

"Uh, ok, so are you um, going to give me a present." Gord said, now with a nervous look on his face.

"Oh don't worry about that, do you like power tools little Gordy?" The evil robot said, as he was reaching for something from his 'presents' sack.

"Uhh, sure I like to use them."

"Good, because it looks like I got a chainsaw right here!" He said as he brought out the chainsaw and tried to hack Gords head of with it, but Gord ducked and ran screaming.

"Get back here! I got more toys for you to be tested on!" Said Robo Santa as he chased him. As he neared the PE building, he noticed that the Robo Santa was riding in his sled, but this time it had a cannon on the front and it was black with spikes on the side. Then the maniacal Robot pushed a button, witch made two gattling guns pop out.

"I hope you like Christmas lights, up your ass that is!" He said as he shot out thousands of light bulbs at him. Gord screamed and rolled out of the line of fire. Then he banged on the doors. But before anybody let him in, he turned around and noticed that Santa lowered his slay, and a large candy cane coming out of the cannon.

"Aw he's just giving me a candy cane." Said Gord with a smile on his face.

"Damn right I'm giving you a candy cane." Said Santa as he shot it out of the cannon. Gord screamed, but then the professor opened the door.

"Eh wha? Who are you?" He said as he looked down on him.

"I'm Gord! We gotta get inside now" He responded frantically.

"Who?"

"Gord! You know, Canadian boy who got frozen?"

Still nothing.

"Arrgh, the delivery boy's assistant."

"Wha?"

"DOOMSDAY DEVICE!"

"Ah yes Gord, come right in." Said the professor, and they both ran inside right before the missile hit the door.

Gord rushed into the TV room, to find Leela sleeping on top of Fry (WITH their clothes on) on the couch.

"Guys! Guys! Santa is here!" Yelled Gord, making them wake up and land on the floor.

"What? He shouldn't be here now, it's five thirty, he usually comes at eight." Said Leela, rubbing her head and helping Fry up.

"But S-santa, he just attacked me, I almost got killed." Said Gord trying to catch his breath. Just then they heard a sound, it was Santa trying to barge in through the front door.

"Holy Crap he's here!" Said Farnsworth as he went to grab his rifle.

"Ho ho ho! Let poor old Santa in before he sends Robot Jesus after you!" He said as he was trying to bend the doors open.

Just then, Amy, Kif, Zoidberg and Mutilda came running into the room to see what was going on.

"Hello friends, what's going on with the here why not." Said Zoidberg with a grin.

"What's his name, Santa is coming!" Said Fry as he was rubbing his head. Just then the door opened, and it was Santa, except this time he had sub machine guns in both hands.

"Oh snap!" Said Mutilda.

"This can't be good." Said Gord as he backed up slowly as Santa came closer.

"Ha ha, you thought you could out smart me, eeee." He screamed as he fell into the fiery- alligator-with-weird-unnecessary-space-helmet-things-with-huge-poisoned-tipped-spikes-that-come-in-orange-gray-green-or-hotpi- (whacks typewriter over the head with a crowbar) pit. Just as he fell inside, there was a huge explosion that caused his head to pop up to the surface.

End of chapter one, no he's not finished yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

Everyone in the room stood in shock as the head of Robot Santa stared at them with those red, evil eyes of his. They didn't know what to do; they didn't know what would happen to them, what if his head would explode and kill them all? Or would this finally be a chance of spending every Christmas with peace and happiness without this thing ruining it. After moments of this awkward silence, the little mechanical nightmare started to speak.

"Argh, don't you worry about me," He said as he was rolling out, "I'll be back."

As soon as what remained of Robot Santa left, everyone had gone back to his or her tasks. As Gord had just sat down on the couch, he noticed that Leela and Fry were kissing.

"Aw, get a room you meatbags." He said, but before he could do or say anything else, Leela shoved him to the ground. He noticed that he was not needed here; he was getting a burning sensation throughout his mind and body, and he finally stormed out of the front doors of the building. He stood outside were the cool air trickled through his skin and cooled down the burn inside him. Which made him relax.

"Man, I gotta stop hanging out with Bender." He whispered to himself quietly as he sat onto the stairs, realizing on what he had just said. At this moment, on the other side of the city, Robot Santa was exiting out of a robotic body shop called 'Arns ultimate killing and knitting essentials'.

"Know be careful with your new body, make sure to destroy everythink with yourn gigantic mouscles!" Said the man at the counter with an Arnold Shwarzanegger accent as Robot Santa exited the shop. Just then,

"OH HANS! Your viener Schnitzel is ready!" Said a man from the back of the room, making the cashier shrill like a little girl.

Robot Santa looked somewhat like the Terminator, which matched his terrifying personality (Or whatever robots have). He decided to take the long way this time to the PE building, he wanted the satisfaction of blowing up people to a billion pieces. As he made his way through every street, he only left death and destruction behind. As he was continuing on his path, he found himself in Little Italy; he noticed he was in a 2d world.

As he was passing by, he started shooting blocks, stomping on goomba's and he even knocked out what seemed to look like Mario.

"Mama mea! Why did that stupid meat ball come and ruin our white pants of piece!" Said what seemed to look like Luigi as Pac-man paramedics took 'Mario' into the ambulance.

Santa finally made his way to the PE building, were he smiled with evil satisfaction. He decided to make his way through the back door, where he knew it would mean a safe entry. As he walked through the door, he found himself in the hangar, and found his first victims. Kif and Amy. The couple were secluded from the rest of their crew, whicch meant an easy takedown. They looked like they were discussing about something.

"Uhm, ah ohm chee, Amy we've been together for about almost a year now, and I just wanted you to know that I've been having the best times of my life with you," Said the green amphibion as he was kneeling down, Amy was grinning at what she thought was about to happen.

"Amy-."

"Will you put your hands up?" Said Santa as he pointed his gun at them, they both gasped and did as they were told. As Santa neared closer to subdue them, Kif screamed, but then was cut off by Santa's mechanical hand covering his mouth. Kif's head started to blow up like a balloon and then suddenly deflated, knocking him out.

"Kiiiiiiif!" Amy screamed as she rushed to his side, but then slipped on, yet again, the same banana peel, knocking her out as well. He then dragged the two into the bridge of the PE ship. He walked upstairs and entered the Rec Room, where he had seen the professor and Mom starting to (Gulp) make out.

"Oh Huby, I don't know why we ever broke apart all these times, aw hell I love you, you little bastard." Said Mom as she smooched him on the lips again.

"Oh my, I don't even know what we're talking about, but alright." Said the professor as he responded to the kiss.

"M-Mom? You dare kiss this evil hoodlum? That's so naughty, I'm adding this to my top 5 naughtiest list." Said Santa as he brought out a little PDA, frightening the couple. He made a screen pop out, and he added the name Mom with a little heart at the end of it than he hit enter. Then a loading bar came up, the three waited impatiently as it loaded. Farnsworth looked at his watch and Mom lit a cigarette until Santa hit the device, and put it away. Then the old couple screamed as Santa crept towards them and knocked them out.

"Ooooh! My angry dome!" Screamed the professor before he was unconscious. Just then, Hermes, LaBarbra, Zoidberg and Mutilda entered the room.

"Great claws of jaws! The professor and Mom have been knocked out by Santa!" Said Hermes, pointing at the evil Robot. Then Santa quickly looked at Zoidberg.

"Ahh, John, I have a present for you." He said as he gave him what seemed like a jack in the box.

"Wow, a present form Santa, Vhat an honou-." Said Zoidberg as a doll that had sprung up and whacked him in the face cut him off. Just then it pulled out a tranquilizer gun and shot the rest of the group.

"Go to sleep and live for an eternity in your nightmares." Giggled the doll in a little kid voice as it slowly wound back into the box. As Santa was making his way towards the PE ship with the crewmembers, he came across an open utility closet where he found Bender and the laptop.

"Aw yea babey, you download the hell outta me." Bender said as he had his USB cord into the computer.

"BENDER! I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING!" Screamed Santa as he seen what was taking place.

"OH EH WHA? I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING!" Said Bender as he rolled up his cord on the side of his head and 'zipped' it up. Santa took a "Merry Christmas" Magnet and put it on Benders head until he was on sleep, then he turned to the computer.

"Sssh, sssh, it's ok, I'm sorry you had to see that." Santa said as he patted the Laptop gently, then he shut it off.

As Santa tied up his victims, he noticed that there were a few of the crew missing, he already checked the offices and the hangar, but he still couldn't find them, then he remembered the TV lounge. He slapped himself in the face and walked down the hall towards the door. He laughed to himself as he entered the employee's lounge; where he found Fry and Leela asleep on the couch.

"It's like taking latkes from Zombie Hanukkah." Said Santa to himself, trying not to wake up the couple. He grabbed the pair by the ankles and laughed in triumph.

"This is it! I have now defeated the only people that can stop me!"

End of chapter two.


	3. Chapter 3

Gord was sitting on the step, still cooling himself off. He was in a psychological tug-of-war at the moment. He was happy that he was in the future, away from his bullies, parents and problems. But this also led him to new problems and bullies, and to top it off, he didn't even have parents anymore.

_I mean, _He thought to himself, _they may have been horrible parents, but they were still my parents. That was all I had, that was my life, and now I have nothing left, I'm just a failure. I was in my parent's eyes and I am still a failure in these people's eyes._

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a scream inside the building; he shot straight up and ran through the doors, narrowly missing the 'surprise welcoming' contraption.

As he entered the building, he noticed the screams getting louder, almost piercing through his eardrums every step he took. He followed the noise, and it took him to the employee lounge. He screamed in a high pitch shrill when he seen who he thought he saw.

"Arnold Shwarzanegger?" Said Gord as he was looking at the intruder, but it appeared to be someone different. His eyes bulged out of his sockets when he realized who it actually was. He stared at Robot Santa from what seemed like an eternity. Then,

"Wha, what are you doing here?" Asked Gord as he noticed that he was holding Fry and Leela by the ankles.

"Well, it seemed that I didn't spread enough joy around this hell hole last time." Said Santa as he dropped the couple.

"Ow my pupils." Moaned Fry as his head hit the floor.

"Oh you don't have to worry about joy, we got plenty of it here," Continued Gord. But then he cut himself off as he rethought of what had happened to him in the past. "Forget I said that."

Santa walked closer to him.

"Oh well, time to spread your guts around this place and use your skin as wrapping paper, the kind that you can only use once when you want to use it again but it was only a time offer!" Said Santa as he laughed evilly and took a step closer to the poor boy.

"Now come here you little bastard."

Gord tensed up, sweat started dripping down his forehead. He gazed into the maniacal robot's eyes and he was frightened about how red they were. He never thought that this day would come, the day that he would die, especially from Santa.

"Wait! Before you kill me, I just wanted to know, is why you do this, I mean I know your programmed to do this, but there must be another reason as well." Said Gord as he was trying to buy time to his surprise, the robot stopped. Then the Robot fell to his knees and cried.

"Because, because my parents never really loved me." He said between sobs, then Gord walked to his side and patted him on the shoulder. "I mean I only do this for attention, and just because I hate naughty people. I guess it's because I'm lonely. Plus I like the dental plan I get on this job." He said as he put his hands on his face.

"There, there bud, it's ok I know how it feels to be lonely." He said. Tears were forming into his eyes until he heard a loud _tink!_ Then Gord noticed that Santa face down on the ground. There was a bullet hole on the back of his head. Just then, Fry and Leela got up, rubbing their heads. Fry looked at Leela and Gord, and then started to speak.

"Man Leela, we gotta go a little softer when we-." He said as he noticed that the two of them were looking at him, stopping him for what he was going to say. "We _did _do it right?"

Leela and Gord simultaneously sighed and observed the scene even further.

"I wonder who shot him? Whoever it was, he had some good accuracy." Said Leela. The three of them looked out of the window. They thought they seen something like the Grinch on the roof of a building across the street from them. The creature noticed this, then he looked around suspiciously, dropped the weapon and bolted out of the area.

The three stood in surprise and shock about the whole scene in front of them.

"Well I found out the reason why he is always killing people." Continued Gord, now trying to break the silence, "Which was-"

Just then the red cheeks on Santa started to blink. It gained speed after every couple of beeps, then there was a flash of light, the three were blind by the sudden flash, after moments of getting their vision back, they noticed that the body was gone.

"You were saying something about purple?" Said Fry, rubbing his eyes.

"Yea purple is a pretty good colour." Said Gord as he shrugged. The three left the room and noticed that nobody was around, and decided to check the rest of the building to see if anyone was still there. As they inspected all of the offices, they seen a tremendous amounts of damage, and were worried that their friends may have been killed. They then decided to check the ship, and to their relief, they found them tied up and injured, which in an odd way made them kind of happier.

"Vhat with the tying me up and all, I'm getting a passion for disembowelling!" Screamed Zoidberg as Leela was untying them.

"Cram it lobster!" Said Bender as he grabbed a shoe from his chest compartment and whacked the shellfish on the backside of his head. Zoidberg yelped and started clipping his claws in Benders face. Bender screamed and ran out of the room, with Zoidberg and Mutilda following close behind him.

Kif and Amy were still in a daze; they hadn't really remembered what happened that entire night. They quickly discussed the problem and decided to spend the night at Amy's apartment, to spend whatever time is left away from Zapp. Just as they were walking out, Kif found a little box beside his feet. He picked it up and observed it; he opened it and noticed that it was a ring.

"I think it would be best if I give this to its owner." He said as he put it in his pocket and grabbed Amy's arm. Then they exited the building.

"Well me and Fry better get going too, it's been one hell of a night." Said Leela as she grabbed Fry's arm.

"What about the who of I.C. wiener?" Said Fry as he was still rubbing his head.

Leela sighed and continued, "You got a ride home Gord?"

"Nah, I think I'm gonna walk home, I'm sure Bender would be at the apartment by now." He responded.

As Fry and Leela left, the professor walked up to Gord, with an angry look on his face.

"Let me guess, angry dome!" Gord snapped, which surprised the professor.

"The ha-wha? Oh! Right! Evil Santa, it was amazing on how he had childhood problems, and that this is a show to him, and how Kif and Amy are going to advance further in their relationships! Quite amazing!" Said the feeble old man.

"But…how…could you remember all of this, sometimes you don't even remember where you are, let alone what happened tonight."

"What night, where am I again? Man, you got some memory issues to solve, and an anger problem to fix. This makes me angry! I'm going to sleep!" And with that, the professor fell asleep on the spot.

Outside of the building, Robot Santa was getting into his new vehicle that he stole when he was in Hollywood.

"I'll be back, and next time I'll make sure you suffer." Said Santa as he sat down on the drivers seat, and started the car.

"Tsk, tsk, you say that every year chief." Responded the car.

"Shut it nightrider, or I wont give you the fuzzy dice you wanted."

Then, the car drove off into the night.

Sorry about the crappy ending folks, it's just this fic has been a bigger pain in the ass then I thought It would be (I'll probably be flamed sometime soon, if not know). My next one will be extra longer and hopefully a better story.

Cya's


End file.
